This post was inspired by conversations with many different friends. When I asked a friend of mine if she would ever consider adopting, she responded with: "Oh, no, I don't desire to parent an old or special needs child. If I were going to adopt, I would want a healthy baby, and only rich people can afford to adopt healthy babies."
Another friend mentioned that she was dissuaded from adpoting a child domestically because of she did not want an open adoption.
Realizing that 40% of Americans consider adoption, but only 1% actually adopt, I thought to myself: "You need to dispel the myths of adoption." Education is empowering. Perhaps knowing the truth will encourage more people to adopt, and maybe it won't. But, in the end, at least more people will be making their choice based on truth.
Myth: There are no infants being placed for adoption.
Fact: Every year, at least 20,000 U.S. born infants are placed for adoption. The same is true in international adoption.
Myth: Adoption is so expensive, it is out of reach for most families.
Fact: The cost of adoption is often the same as giving birth. The only difference is, there is no "adoption insurance" like there is health insurance. Adopting from foster care is virtually free. In addition, many employers offer adoption benefits and Congress passed legislation giving a tax credit to families who adopt.
Myth: Birthparents can show up at any time to reclaim their child.
Fact: Once the adoption is legally finalized, the adoptive family is the child's family.
Myth: I can't love an adopted child as much as I would a biological child.
Fact: Having a biological child does not guarantee love and attachment. If you are married, look at your spouse. Are they related to you biologically? No. (Hopefully your answer is no!) Do you love them with your whole being? Yes. (Your answer on this should be yes!) Or, how about best friends, Godchildren or pets? I have all these people in my life that I love with my whole heart, and they are not biologically related to me.
Myth: Open adoption means my child's birthparent and biological extended family (Great Aunt Sally and everyone else....) will be celebrating holidays and birthdays with us.
Fact: There are many levels of open adoption. The most common means that you send letters and pictures once a year to your child's birthparent. This can be done through the adoption agency and you don't have to have "actual" contact at all.
Myth: Adopted children have more problems than biological children. They experience trouble with drugs, alcohol, relationships, mental illness, etc.
Fact: I am a firm believer in the power of God and the ability to train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6) Research also shows that adopted children are just as well-adjusted as their non-adopted peers.
For us, adoption is a faith walk. And we know that since He has given us this desire, He is going to walk with us and give us all the tools we need to achieve it. Psalm 20:4 - May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.
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Actually it is completely true that adopted children have more problems than those that weren't separated from their parents.
ReplyDeleteI strongly suggest you read Primal Wound, the book, and check out the websites www.adultadoptees.org and www.poundpuplegacy.org .
I really wish you weren't buying a baby. :( International adoption is nothing short of child trafficking. If you were that keen on helping Ethiopians you'd make sure the kids stayed in their culture in their families, not bought them.
Oh wow! I did not see this comment until now. Thank you, Anonymous, for reading my blog. I apologize for my late response!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, this blog was established as a keepsake for the child my husband and I will be bringing home from Ethiopia and as a way to keep our family and friends informed about our journey. Secondly, the blog was established to educate the public.
I think this is where you, Anonymous, need some education. You say, "I really wish you weren't buying a baby." God bought us when He adopted us into his family. My husband and I try to live in a Christ-like manner and that is what we are doing.
You also mention that "international adoption is nothing short of child trafficking." I don't know where you are getting your information from, but you don't sound very well-educated in this area. I don't do anything, nor do I post anything, without being educated first. The definition of child trafficking includes exploitation(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trafficking_of_children). If you feel that bringing up an orphan in a loving home would be considered exploitation, I don't know what else to say to you.
And lastly, my husband and I ARE making sure that kids stay in their culture with their families. Once again, it is obvious that you have not done your research in this area. In previous blog posts, I talk about how we have waited much longer than most adoptive couples because our agency (Wide Horizons for Children) places such great emphasis on keeping the Ethiopian family together. The agency that we are with was started for humanitarian aid and only arranges adoption as a last resort for orphans.
I must say, Anonymous, you said like an adoptee whose adoption story may not have turned out as you would have liked. If that is true, I am sorry that this has caused you to have misguided views and a closed minded mentality. I hope that my blog and response has encouraged you to do some more research in the area of adoption.